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Presents

In a lame effort for Hans to reduce the stress of finding a place to live!

The Bohemian Rent for Me Song

(To be sung to the tune "Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen.) 
I highly suggest you have this tune playing on your stereo while you read this for full effect.

Is this the real life?
Is this just fantasy?
Caught by a landlord
No escape from reality

Open your eyes, look at classifieds and see...
I'm just a poor renter, I need no sympathy 
Because I'm easy come, easy go 
Rent too high, Never low 

Wherever the deposit goes, doesn't really matter to me 
-to me 

Mama, just filled an app
Put in for a credit check 
Pulled my references, now I dread 

Mama, money just began 
But now I'll go and rent it all away 
Mama, ooo, didn't mean to make you cry
If I am back again this time tomorrow
Carry on, carry on, as if I do not still live here

Too late, my wallets gone 
Security deposits high, check book empty all the time
Goodbye my savings, I've got to go 
Gotta leave you all behind and pay the rent 

Mama, ooo (Wherever the deposit goes) 
Housing markets tight
I sometimes wish I'd never moved here at all 

*!
I see a little silhouetto of a renter, 
Potential tenant, Potential tenant, will you move to Palo Alto? 
Thunderbolt and lightning, apartment search is fright'ning me. 
(Pet allowed NO!) Pet allowed NO! (Pet allowed NO!) Pet allowed NO!, Pet allowed NO! Figaro 
(Need rent control! ol ol ol ol!) 
I'm just a poor renter, nobody loves me. 
He's just a poor renter with a poor small doggie, 

Spare him his life from this monstrosity. 
Rent too high, never low, will you rent me so. 
No pet ah! No, we will not rent you so. 
(Rent him so!) No pet ah! We will not rent you so!
(Rent him so!) No pet ah! We will not rent you so! 
(Rent me so!) Will not rent you so! 
(Rent me so!) Will not rent you so! (Rent me so!) 

Ah. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. 
(Don't kick me out, mama mia.) Mama mia, rent me so! 
(Insert the name of your "favorite" rental referral agency here).com has a devil put aside for me, for me, for me......... 

So you think you can refer me before the next guy? 
So you think you can rent me and leave my pet to die? 
Oh, lanlord, can't do this to me, landlord, 
Just gotta get a place, just gotta get a place to live here! 

Nothing really matters, Anyone can see, 
Nothing really matters, 
Nothing really matters to me. 

Wherever the deposit goes.

And one wonders why I cannot find a place when I spend all my time coming up with stuff like this? 
Procrastination? No. just sticking my head in the sand for a while to ignore the pain of the Bay area apartment search.

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