Tour de Blue? The Blue Ridge Parkway is more than just a bike ride.
Because we (I) know what big brothers are all about...


Tour de Wedgie



DAY 4 - Wednesday, October 6 Mile marker... AAA - Advil Addiction Anonymous
Another Corporate American tradition: Wednesday is...
PURPLE SHORTS DAY


 
 

DAY 5 - Thursday, October 7 - Mile marker... We did not know lactic acid is a hallucinogenic substance until now.

Please forgive the lame attempts to top the web site of Day 3.  The word that comes to mind... or lack thereof is... flounder.  Editor's note: the following is for the surreal at heart.... or those who are REALLY BORED at work.  Today's site was a struggle for good original material and continuity.  I am hurtin man.  My older brother and his friend Mike are not just biking circles around me, they are biking 3-D polygons!!  I am typing this in real small text in hopes that they will skip over it.  I will never admit defeet, unless of course they hurt that bad and I need new shoes.  (No one is to hit me for that when I get back!)   Anyway man... I got it bad.. lactic acid that is.  It ain't natural when all you can do is bike... and when you get off.. you CAN'T walk!  Heck, I have even been hallucinating on the road.  Mike passed me this morning and this is what I saw:

Help me man!  Send more Advil!!




As many of you know, it is absolutely imperative to have a serious sense of focus while taking on an endeavor such as biking the entire Blue Ridge Parkway.  That is why we have invited along the following special guests who will aid us in staying ......   jlfssdf.....sdff....

On second thought, perhaps the REAL need is a, well.... sense of ... humor.  Introducing

THE TIRE MARKS BROTHERS


 

These "gentlemen" will be aiding us in appropriate methods to provide the levity needed to keep certain bikers from being tooooo serious.  Hit it boys...

 Before we start, we want to show you where we stayed last night.

 THE HOBO HOTEL

This is where we met these really cool talking horses...

 COOL TALKING HORSES

Finally we want to perform the sacred torch juggling ritual before we continue.  Guess where we visited today...


 

If you guessed that Hans was ludicrous enough to juggle rubber chickens in the home town of...

Andy Griffith

You win a prize!!
 

Now lets talk about BIKE SAFETY, a very important topic for bikers of all ages.  First lets talk about nutrition.  It is very important to get enough of a substance called "carbohydrates."  This is otherwise known simply as "gasoline for the blood stream."  Gas is extremely important to keep road vehicles going, as we can see below:
 


 
 

Now imagine if your car ran out of gas.  It would not go very far.  For a biker, when his blood stream runs out of carbohydrates,  he does something known as "bonking."  Our heroes, the Tire Marks Brothers, will demonstrate below what it feels like to bonk.
 


 

 My guess is that you would not want to bonk.  So be sure to eat plenty of carbohydrates and take plenty of fluids when you ride.  Now onto our next segment,  "But-tocks" gear.  (editor's note:  to give proper credit, Forrest Gump said the word "but-tocks" first.)   Now, as we all know, bikers spend lots of time on their "but-tocks."  Before we continue, I want you to say the word "but-tocks" aloud at your computer.  Do it again.  Now,  are your co-workers looking at you real funny? Good.   Below our heroes, the Tire Marks Brothers, demonstrate the value of having good seat cushion so you don't get sore ( everyone say it aloud) "but-tocks."
 
 


 

Once again we see that it is not fun for a biker to bonk.  So be sure to eat plenty of carbohydrates and take plenty of fluids when you ride.  And NOW, probably the SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT subject to a biker, HEAD GEAR!  Below, our heroes, The Tire Marks Brothers will demonstrate the VALUE OF HEAD GEAR to a biker, first by demonstrating the anti-bonking properties of a standard bike helmet.
 


 

As we can see, the impact of bonking is greatly reduced when our heroes, The Tire Marks Brothers, wear protective head gear.  This is especially evident, when the boys are smacked with a frozen crash test rubber chicken, a prevalent risk during the cold mornings of the Tour De Wedgie.  Now lets investigate the other types of head gear important to a successful Tour De Wedgie.  First there is...

WIND GEAR:

Note the aerodynamic properties which will help the boys when biking up hill.  Secondly there is...

WET WEATHER GEAR:

For heavy  rain there is

SEVERE WET WEATHER GEAR:


 

AND FINALLY, FOR THE WORST EVER KNOWN WEATHER TO HIT A TOUR DE WEDGIE PARTICIPANT,
THERE IS...

FLYING RUBBER CHICKEN GEAR:



 

Why thank you gentlemen for that insightful demonstration.

Stay tuned for tomorrow's continuing adventures, which will last until NEXT WEEK, of ...

(get echo special effects machine ready here)

Tour de Wedgie


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